Déjà vu is a glitch in the Matrix, it happens when they change something..

So we saw Déjà vu last night. It’s a surprisingly good film. There are, however, the usual slight inconsistencies found with any movie involving time travel. One thing it does well though, was outlining the various theories on the nature of time in a layman-friendly fashion. It fails to actually define which of these theories is correct in the Deja Vuniverse(see what I did there? God I’m good) but hey, I guess they didn’t want to be scientifically bold or whatever :P

Inspired by this, I thought we should review the possibilities, just because I have nothing better to write about.

I’ll be using two analogies through this discussion so I’ll outline first:

To discuss cause and effect, I will rely on the heavily abused ‘Grandfather’ analogy. The gist of this hypothetical argument is ‘what would happen if you were to travel back in time and kill your grandfather?’.

To help describe the various theories on the nature of time, I we will often fall back on the ‘time as a river’ analogy. I’ve stolen this from Déjà vu, who use it well. As we’ll see, this analogy isn’t perfect, especially for the more complicated theories, but hopefully it’ll give you the gist of each argument.

Before we begin, a slight caveat; this is hugely simplified. There are many other theories; those below are essentially the basis for many of those theories. And then there are some that are hyper complex to the point where they cannot be explained in written text – they inhabit the world of mathematical equations, or worse, the seemingly magically world of quantum mechanics, String Theory or Grand Unified Theory.

Theory One:
'There is no time.’

Simple really! There is no such thing as time, it’s just a perception invented by beings with limited life spans.

This isn’t really a theory as such. We know time exists in some sort of fashion, because like everything else, it’s relative (thank Einstein for that). The faster you go, the slower time is. If you have two atomic clocks and two jet planes, you can prove this. If they leave from the same point, fly for a set period of time (say, two days, measured from the ground where they departed) in opposite directions around the planet each with a clock on board and land at the same time you’ll discover something interesting. Their atomic clocks will no longer read the same time. Less time will have passed for the plane flying with the spin of the Earth (ie, flying faster). More time will have passed for the plane flying against the spin of the Earth (ie, flying slower). In this example, the difference would be (and was) in the order of millionths of a second, but you get the idea.

This simple fact of truth means that, to some extent, time travel in to the future is possible. All you need is a space ship that can accelerate to as near as light speed as possible (Ok so this is basically impossible too, but hey) and a keen crew. If they were to travel at this speed around the Earth for a year or two, they would find much more time has passed on Earth. Crazy huh.

The reason this isn’t really possible is even more complex, but it’s related to the fact that the closer to the speed of light you get, the heavier you get, and that’s why it’s impossible to hit the speed of light, regardless of how massive your engine is. It’s exponential - you could never have enough thrust to counter the increasing weight. That’s why only energy can achieve this speed, because it has no mass. (Well, theoretically. I think some arguments state that light has mass? I dunno.)

But anyway, the gist of this theory is that, because of this, there is simply no way to travel backwards in time. Nothing exists (ie wormholes or time machines) that will ever allow it. The grandfather argument is rendered mute, because you’re unable to get back to before you are born. Game Over Bitch.

Theory Two:
‘Uber River’

I have dubbed this theory the ‘Uber River’ theory (that’s quasi-German for Super River, by the way) as the gist of it is that the river of time cannot be changed, diverted, split, dammed or anything. No matter how hard you try.

Let us assume you find a way to travel back in time. You roar back from 2006 to 1932 when your Grandfather is 5. You figure a five year old cannot put up much of a fight (you sick fuck). Your jump back is plotted below via the brown dotted line that looks a bit like a trail of poo.

Once you arrive, you begin your nefarious scheme. You whip out your Sniper Rifle. You take aim at your grandfather, bashing his plastic spade around in the sand pit. You fire.

What happens next? Well, there are essentially two possibilities.

Firstly, the answer is nothing. The gun misfires, the shot somehow misses, or some kind of unforeseen and unavoidable event (or series thereof) always prohibits you from killing your grandfather. This theory is potentially dodgy, because it tends to imply some kind of cosmic fate. Cosmic fate implies the existence of some kind of God. This is not scientific. If you avoid this explanation, other potential answers are:

a) Chaos theory is a load of shit. No event can change the final outcome. This doesn’t mean there’s a God. It’s just….the way things are. Nature is just stubborn.

b) The river was always flowing this way. Your brown poo line is actually a tiny stream that flows the other way and then back into the river. It always has, and always will. Because it was always like this, you didn’t change anything. You were just following the river.

Secondly, and point b) leads us nicely to this, is that perhaps you do shoot your grandfather. His five year old head explodes like a watermelon. And nothing changes. You soon discover he was never your grandfather because your GREAT Grandparents covered up his death least they become suspects, and adopted another boy who is your true Grandfather. This is really pretty close to our first point. The idea here is that you can do whatever you want, but your actions to try and change what will happen in the future are actually what cause the future to be like that in the first place. (Spoiler follows) we see this in Déjà vu when the note they send back is sent to Doug’s partner and results in his death, which they were trying to avoid. Oops. If they hadn’t sent the note, he would not have died. See? Sucks.

Potential problem with this theory? It implies knowledge gaps – it implies it is impossible to know exactly what happened or what caused what in the past. This is kind of dubious. What if you were to travel into the past by only five minutes, to same the destination from which you left? Wouldn’t you know exactly everything that was going to happen?

In summary, Uber River theory states what is demonstrated by the red lines along the bottom of the time line above. Either, a) time rejoins the normal course (the main river) at some point, or, b) those mini lines are actually what happened. The river isn’t straight like the line depicted, but weaves all over the place, with heaps of doubling back etcetera. Either way, no change can be made to that river.

Déjà vu explained this theory by saying it was the mighty Mississippi river. You throw a pebble into it. Nothing happens, because nothing you can do can divert that river. It might ripple (tiny changes to the past, but no chaos theory), but the flow and direction and speed remain constant.

But what if you didn’t just throw a pebble into it? What if you dropped 16,000 tonnes of dirt into the river? Theory 3!

Theory 3:
Confusing, twisty river.

This theory is initially straight forward. You do something that changes the past. As such, the future changes. You kill Granddad, so you are never born. The future unfolds in a massively different way. Chaos theory – you have diverted the river along another path (ie, you piled huge mounds of dirt into it). However, this raises the single most confusing question with time travel.

What happens to you, once your grandfather is dead? And as a result, what further effects will it have on the future and the past?

A) You immediately cease to exist. Because you were never born, you never went back and killed your grandfather. You see the issue here. If you weren’t born, you didn’t kill him. So you WERE born. So you DID kill him. So you were NOT born. So he didn’t die. So you WERE born. So you did kill him. So you were NOT born…

Basically, you’ve fucked it. Time is stuck in this dirty loop, because it’s only one river. You can change where it goes, but that’s it. It cannot become two rivers. As such, you cannot kill your grandfather, and continue to live in the world where he is dead (ie, you can’t exist in 1932 once you pull that trigger).

B) Nothing happens to you. You DO continue to exist in this new future. Your existence is independent of the flow of time once you leave it to rejoin at a different point. This is commonly believed to be more plausible, if only because no one knows what happens in the first example. Does the universe implode or something? However, it does imply that time is kind of meaningless again. This makes some people shitty.

Theory 4:
River Split or Fjord theory.

This is a fun theory. This picture sums it up nicely I think.

Hee hee. Notice that there are no dotted lines? That’s because for every change, for every decision, for every action, a brand new time line is created. It is independent of the others. They are infinite and they co-exist. This is the parallel dimension theory. Where something different has happened. When you kill your pops, a new line is created. Because the original line, where you came from, still exists, you are still able to come back and kill him, so we don’t get that fucked up ARRGGHH loop of repetition with the chicken/egg problem.

There are some potential issues with this:

a) It is hella complex. No real math or scientific theory can justify or explain the existence of parallel universes successfully. This doesn’t mean much, because humans are inherently stupid and mentally limited, but it’s worth considering.

b) You’re no longer really just time travelling, you’re editing parallel universes. If you went back to stop World War 2 ever happening, you don’t really stop it. You create a new universe in which it doesn’t happen. In an infinite number of other universes, millions of people still die in WW2. So why bother?

c) Oh, also, there can be no theory of souls in this universe, not in the biblical religious sense, anyway. Because there an infinite number of you. Of everyone. You are NOT a special child of God. You are NOT a snowflake.

[SPOILERS FOLLOW]

Déjà vu uses (we deduce) either 3B or 4. The thing is, we know Doug tried at least once to alter the past. And we know he failed at least once. The movie both chokes and excels around this single, important point. If it is 3B, then the river can be diverted, but it is difficult to do so. It is like a rock in the path of the river that you wish to avoid. Your initial attempt shifts it slightly, but the water still hits the rock. So you try again, and again, each shift moving it further to the side, until it misses that rock totally. Ta da, future changed.

Or it’s 4A. Any one of a million different decisions or butterflies flapping their wings etc have created parallel universes. You have created/ended up in one that avoids that rock.

I like the 3B possibility. That’s cool. You can try again and again, and maybe you’ll succeed, because it’s possible, it’s just hard. That’s a very human idea. 4 is gay because it’s just one of the zillion different outcomes. It makes you seem kind of insignificant. Either way, they did kind of choke by not really highlighting what was done differently the second time through. Right up until they board the ferry at the end of the film, nothing has gone differently. Why does everything suddenly change? It’s never explained. You could argue that’s up to the viewer to think about you’re wrong. It’s a cop out. The rest of the movie is spent showing you how identical and unavoidable everything else is. Then all of a sudden, it can be changed.

Wtf.

@_@

Notes:

My money says you will never see time travel to the past. Nor will your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandkids. The wormholes (Einstein-Rosenburg Bridges? I cannot be arsed checking) mentioned in Déjà vu are the only existing theory that even remotely presents it as feasible. AFAIK, these work by assuming time is a dimension, like space is. A wormhole is a path between to rucked parts of this dimension. We already know this kind of distortion is possible with normal space (that’s why light bends around stars, because the very existance of nature is distorted around that star by the force of gravity. Light isn’t bending, it’s travelling straight through a bent pierce of the universe;) so it stands to reason it may be possible with time. That’s essentially what happens when you go really fast as dicussed earlier anyway. But, we are yet to see or prove the existance of a bridge between any two points (the wormhole).

I'm so not over it.

...Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
and shit, loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?

I sung ya songs I danced a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool

Why don't men listen?

Scientifically speaking, this was an evolutionary advantage. You are less likely to be gored to death by a saber-tooth tiger if you are focused and not trying to chat about what type of stone your spear-head is made of at the same time. Males cannot suckle the young. Therefore we hunted, and the women reared the children. Since we were hunting, we evolved to focus on one thing at a time. Or rather, men who tried to do too many things at once were eaten, crushed and/or mauled.

Women were not put in this position. On the contrary, they thrived if they could multi-task. If you could skin Grog's freshly killed boar and grunt the baby to sleep at the same time, this was evolutionary efficiency at it's finest!

Unfortunately, as society has developed beyond this rudimentary form of existence, these inherent tendencies did not*.

Well, that's the scientific reasoning anyway. The Realist knows the truth. Men don't listen for one simple reason.

We like other stuff more than we like talking.

If women couldn't multi-task, their communication would change little - they would simply stop what they were doing and focus their attention on the conversation at hand. Men do not. Men do not like to stop watching the car rally to talk about the next door neighbour. Because the next door neighbour is boring, and large pieces of steel crashing into trees and rolling around corners at 130km/h are not. So we do not listen.

Simple huh?

(before you kill me baby, let me say this is intended as humour and is not a dig. LURVE:D)

*A notable exception to this were the men of ancient Rome. When your Empire is secure and you've done your tour of duty you needed to be able to multi-task. It enabled you to discuss politics, eat, have sex and get drunk at the same time. Note that the trade off for this remarkable ability is that Italian women have a tendency to double in body mass the moment they turn 35.

Holly and Lee.

Morning, newbs.

So things are better I think, I can never really tell.

I've gone up a tunnel size - 2mm! It looks more or less exactly the same but hurts rather a lot more.
So:
Monday 20 November: 1mm
Thursday 31 November: 2mm

11 days was probably longer than I needed since the hole was already there, but I was waiting on money. I can see this entire process taking awhile though - I don't think I'll be keen on ramming any progressively larger pieces of metal through my skin for at least 2 - 3 weeks at this stage. Appartently the first jump is always the lamest though, you are essentially stretching to double the size.

Anyway. I'm supposed to be applying for next year's uni today, but I'm not entirely sure what I actually want to do. I am rather tempted to play guitar and not spend an hour fucking around with nDeva.

I need a Wii.

I don't care what you say, any machine cool enough to let you punch your opponent by - you know, actually punching - is awesome.

I need $600. If I had it I should probably spend some of it on a new phone and the rest on my bills. But, a Wii is more fun.

Hrm.

I’m keeping an eye on the future
an eye on the past
& the present in my pocket
just in case I need a door…
into a brave new world where all solutions end up with my head.
Buried to my neck in sand.
Enough, enough bowing down to disillusion!
Hats off & applause to rogues & evolution!
The ripple effect is too good not to mention.
If you’re not affected, you’re not paying attention!
It’s too good, too good, not to have an effect.

Ok so this is the last you'll hear about it, I promise.

So yeah. Everyone lied to me. Several of them are still lying to me. But oh well, time to be over it. If only because if I get drunk and angry again my luck is going to run out for real and bad shit will probably happen.

My advice to us all? Stop fucking others over on the pretense of friendship. Stop ranking your friends. Stop playing them against each other. Stop doing stupid shit for women.

I may or may not get fired tomorrow, as I walked out of work yesterday. I've never thought I actually expected others to consider me in their actions at any stage. But I guess I do expect some basic level of respect.

Light Grenades is now 'available'. It's not all together bad. It just never takes off or something. Like an hour and a half of sex without an orgasm. Awesome, but lacking. Oh and Incubus? Turn down they gay already, jesus.

Do you like the new format, btw? :D Go the triskelion!

Flat hunting is going ok, but it's always tedious. I just want to have a place and be settled already. I'm looking forward to the new start.

I feel kinda proud that I'm getting away from all this shit finally. It's a nice feeling of....superiority knowing that you're leaving that incestuous, lying bullshit behind you. I hope it stays there though. People have been dredging my shit up against my will for ages now. Why? It doesn't concern you. It's my past. I've learnt what I've learnt. My mistakes are my own. Those I've hurt have forgiven me, or I have offered unaccepted apologises. I consider that the end of those matters. I wish people would agree on that one.

I wish people wouldn't make the same mistakes as me.

I didn't realise I was such a fucking horrible person.

Because, you know...



No one has actually said sorry.


Let alone showed any kind of remorse.

Oh well, my issue apparently.

It had fucken better.

TWO FACE KNOWS YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT.
US ARMY

Ok so anyway. Things are less fucked up than they have been I think. Or maybe I'm just getting used to the weirdness. By the way, Blogger just ate my original post so this will be even more disjointed and fucked than my normal posts.

I had a paragraph written about John Mayer. It was witty; within it I insulted his intelligence and his dubious sexual orientation. Thereafter, I offered a humble apology and conceded that (with help) I have realised he is a fucking good guitarist. Kiss my ass, nay-sayers, and get back to your power-chord bashing Metallica or whatever. Cool does not, and never will, equal good.

I have been stretching my ear lobe out. The current 1mm looks pretty fucking gay. Fucking thing needs to hurry the fuck up so I can go up a size or ten. Grr.

Like a dog, salivating over our table scraps...

Surreal.
sur-re-al [suh-ree-uh l, -reel]
-adjective
...
2. having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic

That's about sums up my world at present. Everyone is weird and distant and secretive and fake and two-faced and it's kinda giving me the heebie-jeebies.

I understand people have their secrets. I don't understand why that has to make everything so weird. I don't understand why we seem to think people are too stupid to see the truth.

I don't understand why no one has mentioned it yet :-P


---
"The way she feels inside (inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)
And all I've tried to hide
It’s eating me apart"
---


I'll edit this post to add some amusing humour/witty social commentary later on.

5h85h8p585

The only problem with cutting somebody out of your life is that no one else follows suit. I seriously wish people would stop getting attached to The Excluded.

Also, I revoke what I said in the previous post. Apparently it was too emotional for you fuckers and I don't even know if it was right, so fuck it!:D

A brief aside from the intense-emo-ness of late:
Let us discuss the effects of different types of alcohol on your emotions and behaviour. I expect your experiences as comments, bitches.

Jim 'I'm going to fucking kill you' Beam
Jim makes me angry. Not just upset angry. I mean testosterone-driven-aggression angry. I punch stuff and yell. I clench my jaw. I develop a low level of violence aversion. I do not progress past the drunk stage.

Example: Car punching incident on K Road.

Jack 'I'm a higher class of angry' Daniels
The more sophisticated step-brother of Mr Beam. Anger here is more logical, less emotional. It's the refined anger of a sadist. Angry, but in control. Unlikely to progress past the drunk stage.

Example: Psychotic stare down in the Quad with deep-seated enemy when I was a first year.

Smirnoff 'WherethefuckamIandwhatthefuckhappenedandwhythefuckamIstilldrunk' Vodka.
To be honest this just applies to Vodka in general but I needed to keep the name thing going. Vodka is the pesticide to my inhibition-weed. I care little for anything and have no sense of shame. I roar past drunk into 'fucking smashed' with ease. I wake up the following morning with enormous blank spots in my memory. I always wake up still drunk. I spend the following days trying to piece together my evening and repair shattered friendships. ("I'm so sorry I puked in your car and then on your driveway and then took my shirt off and vomited in your pool")

Example: Nathan McKenzie's, seventh form. Nathan McKenzie's, first year. (God, I'm so sorry about the pool house vomit dude) The infamous night of Incident: Orange.

Tui 'HAHAHA TEN THOUSAND IN THE ASHTRAY!!' Pale Ale.
Again with the naming thing - this applies to all beer. I would struggle to get beyond drunk because I spend too much time in the toilet and too much time burping. The drunk here is crass but harmless. Empty boasts, bad jokes, gas, wind and the summer sun.

Example: More or less every night I spent on the roof of 13A. Bless it's heart. Bless it.

Sauvignon 'How you doing?' Blanc.
White wine in general. Although not guaranteed, I can get sleazy. I am the sophisticate with the lampshade on his head. I imbibe pretentiousness and regurgitate faux class. I have not had this for many months however. Rarely beyond the 'quite drunk' stage as you only buy one or two bottles because you're poor and then you stop drinking.

Example: Rui and me getting together :) (No we didn't get together because we were drunk you fucks, she knows what I mean:P)

Red 'ohgod*sob*' Wine.
Similar to the White Goddess above. Except that I don't hold myself together so well. That or I just notice my embarrassing level of drunk more. The main difference is the hang over. Good lord. Similiar to being stabbed repeatedly directly in the brain with a red-hot iron poker.

Example: Morning at Greenhithe. Previous nights leg rubbing totally overshadowed by explosive pain.

Bailey's 'WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M GAY?!' Irish Creme.
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M......oh. Right. Well fair enough really, I guess.

Example: The two times I drank it in public :(

Oh and obviously we're in a different ballgame when it's the curdled shit on top of the vessel in Circle of Death.

I guess that pretty much covers it. Anything else has only be consumed irregularly and cannot be considered scientific evidence.





stop trying to be friends with my friends, freckles. Just go the fuck away.

and to those who are, stop being two-faced. Gr. Argh.

Ahem.

Excuse me, I had something in my throat :)

What a strange few days - this emotional yo-yo thing is getting a tad tedious.

It was a full-on weekend - I felt more drained today at work than I have in a very long time. Friday night was awesome. We had only a reasonable amount of alcohol but all of us got heavily boozed. We yelled, we screamed, we roared, we laughed, I punched a car. We even played a bit of pool.

I caught up with Robyn, Tessa, Bella, Sarah (lols) and Alex (more lols) which was awesome. It's been a long time since I've seen any of them...

To the angry half of my mates - you guys are fucking awesome. Been awhile since I've felt like I should trust a friend totally but what the hell! It's fucking mean to know that someone is willing to watch your back. Thanks guys, I can't express my gratitude enough without sounding really gay.

To my metal-faced friend (that's not an insult btw;): You are distinctly beginning to give me the impression that in some way you have over-taken us in some kind of emotional sense. There was a time when it felt like we were trying to hold you up (and we did so without any bad feelings :) and now...
Sometimes it feels like I'm helping you up...and then all of a sudden I pull back for a brief moment and I realise you're the one doing the holding up. Progress, or evolution, or maturing or whatever you want to call it...it's not always obvious in others....I think you're stronger than you may realise you are man. So realise already...if you haven't, that is! I hope you take this for what it is intended to be - a very large compliment.

Peace out guys.


"Woahhh....
The more I see the less I know..
The more I want to let it go."

*deep breath*

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRHG
HHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRHHHHHG
GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH.

and I'm not even drunk.

FUCK you.

I'm in such a strange place at the moment.

I'm in the same strange place where I was a few year agos. I am not alone, but I am lonely.

I wish I knew an honest solution to my situation. The only resloutions I can come up with are either illogical, ridiculous or improbable.

I've felt increasingly paranoid over the last few days. It seems we're all keeping secrets from each other, be it our friends, family or loved ones. I think that bit that surprises me the most is the friends thing. We've all been fucked over before, and everyone seems to be running some sort of dodgies behind someone elses back anyway.

It's very surreal.

Also, I have run out of money. I have $4 until 11:59pm Wednesday.
My inventory thus far:

- Maybe half a cigarette worth of tobacco
- An apple
- Half a loaf of bread
- Several cigarette lighers
- Condoms
- Water
- Many empty beer bottles
- 3 Tui
- 1 Export Gold

Not even McGuyver could create anything more than a frown and a condom-beer-balloon with those ingredients. The next few days shall be a testament to my humanity.

It may be quite interesting to see how much weight I can lose :D

No matter how hot she is, some guy is sick of her shit...

True words from a man who is bitter, er, wise beyond his years.

Life is fucked up.

There's been so much drama in my life in the last month and a half it's beginning to make 2004/5 look like a walk in the park....

What is it about me that causes drama? Why am so damned wrapped it in all the time these days? Why am I so afraid of working or trying for something now?

I know when I stopped, when I changed, but I don't know why. I don't know how to change back. I don't know if I can be fucked changing back. I don't know if I want to change back. I don't know if changing back is actually a good idea.

Ok so I just read Joel's blog, really he beat me to it...
Women are intense. They make men act like retards. If you're not with them, it's even crazier.

They are also the only thing that will drive many of us to actual, initiated violence. (Real sorry about that dude :$)

I feel proud I helped prove his philsophy in 'conquest denial'.

Women + righteousness + pride = intense defence.

Fuck I don't even really know what I'm going on about here. I want a bourbon but it makes me angry:(



EDIT: Remember. No how bad her shit fucked you up...there's someone else out there who is waiting to do it worse. ;D

EDIT 2: I miss Possum. :( I loved that kitty! (admittedly, my actions at the end of our time together didn't show that, but it was an intense time! She was a memory bearer!)

Libations and Lamentations

Hullo humans.


It's been ages since I updated, I know. This is simply because my life is dull and uninteresting.
It is dull and uninteresting to the point that I do not wish to dishearten you with tales of enormous normalicy.

However! My sneaky bumblebee girlfriend has one-upped me and started a blog on her bebo page :O

Being male, I am therefore forced to make another upda....Ok what the hell. Somehow I missed it the first time I read it. But Rui. Baby. Princess. Bumble bee.

Pearl Harbour?!!?

:/

Anyway. As per the title of this post, I have good things and bad things to say. To save you time and to reduce the emo-cringe-factor, I have invented a new system. It is called Blog-2-Go. This is a fancy term for lists.

Good Things.

• Rui. Teeeeheee ;D
  
• Starminder. It rocks. Yep.
• Danny McCrumm at REEF tomorrow night. It's been ages since I've listened to live music and gotten drunk, so this is good!
  
• My fingers are slowly feeling less uncordinated.
• The new iPod shuffle. That thing is like the size of a 50c coin. Just brilliant.
• Wayne's chair.
  

Bad Things.

• This is a blog so this list will be longer.
• I hate the RockShop with the bitter, vengeful, furious passion of a scorned Roman God.
• Interdepartmental bullshit.
• Stupid co-workers.
• The RockShop.
• The fact that I'm kinda starting to like John Mayer.
• The price of alcohol and cigarettes.

:/

Jesus wants to fucking whistle..

Hurrah, Tool are coming!


Hrm.

I actually have nothing worth writing about.
My guitar is still missing in action. I am unsurprised.

But not entirely dissappointed at the moment, I'm kinda broke...it'd be a layby jobbie which is a bit lame :P

I am currently discussing why the laws of thermodynamics prohibit the existance of a perpetual motion device and worrying about my friends.

Pearl Jam is cranking downstairs. Chad brought me free posters! Big tool one for the lounge, Pink Floyd and Red Hot Chillis for the room.

Hrm.

Forget about all the troubled times...

You don't know the truth.
So love your life.
- 'Luv Your Life' by Silverchair.
(edited somewhat for effect)

No one really knows anything, so love what ya got, don't dread the future or the unknown :)
(anti-emo!)

Been a rough few days, over-tired and over-sick. My baby has been hardout supportive and basically saved my ass numerous times....thanks Rui, you've kept me going :)

Looking forward to the weekend...hopefully I'll be feeling better cause socialness sucks when you're crook.

Last weekend was good, we all finally met V-man's new girl. It was a reasonably good night tho there were a few downers, main thing is they all got sorted so yay!

New guitar has been ordered, should arrive by the end of the month (sif....Rockshop is useless).


Looks like everything is all go to living with my baby! :O Weird how fast it all fell into place, it's all sinking in now and getting me psyched up with excitement :)




End.

Go with the flow...or not!

Grocery shopping is always an exercise in fustration, impatience and intolerance for me.

The moment I set foot into a supermarket I go into a kind of survival mode. Everything around me is shut out. I am singular and focused. I know what I want. I do not browse. I walk briskly through the aisles as I hunt for my produce. I get what I want. I buy it. I leave.

Well, that's what I dream of anyway.

The problem, of course, is everybody else.

Most of the people there are in no rush. Their screaming children, demanding wives and distant husbands are miles away. They drift idlely down the aisles, absorbed in a distant bliss. They are totally ignorant of your existence. They are peacefully unaware that you want to get passed them. They don't realise their trolley is parked in front of what you want or that it's blocking your way. This is especially fun when two of these people drift to a stop beside each other. Hello suck-in-the-gut-and-shimmy-between-the-trolleys time. I hate suck-in-the-gut-and-shimmy-between-the-trolleys time. Like, I really really don't like it.

These people I dub 'The Escapists'.

A large minority are the FlatShop group. Within this there are two sub-groups. The 'OHGOD. What about the budget/vegetarian flatmate/shelf space/equity/fairness/payment ratio' group. You guys need to mellow out. Apples are never ever worth fighting over. And if the guy who lives in the converted basement doesn't want to go halves on the meat because he's a fruitarian - maybe this should be figured out at home, rather than in front of the meat coolers? Just a thought.

The other sub group I like. These groups are usually smaller or jus far more experienced. They usually consist of flatmates who have nigh-on identical tastes or have just done this a million times. The choose their goods like a well-oiled machine. For this, I forgive the trolley antics. (Actually, FYI, if you rest a foot above each back wheel you have essentially developed an effective 'dual breaking system' for improved cornering. Please note this technique is patent pending.)

Bickering Couples are another notable social group in this 'supermarket biosphere'. They are more interesting than annoying. Consist of:

• Gary 'God I'm so bored and my feet are so sore and I love you, really I do, but I'm a boy and I want to go home and have sex or watch telly and have sex and I don't really care what sort of sauce you want because when it's my turn to cook you know it's spag bog again anyway' Smith and
• Sarah 'Look, I don't fucking care if you're bored of it, we need to sort this out, Gary. I don't want any more spaghetti bolognase and no you cannot have sex because I'm actually quite fucked off with you about this' Jones.

Lastly, but dear god most annoyingly, are the 'You're too fucking young to be here' group. This consists of older people who feel they have some sort of Divine Superiority over you. There is no real reason for this other than some sort of ill-concealed disdain over 'flats' and 'teenagers'. Be prepared for failure to give way or to accomodate passing and dismissive and/or disgusted facial expressions.

Phew.

More interestingly, the woman in front of me at the check out (I swear to God, I'm fucking cursed) was buying over $500 dollars worth of groceries including more than a dozen enormous plastic storage tubs. Beyond those I could see only bottled water, copious quantities of jelly beans and mints and bottled water. She also purchased 11 (yes, that's eleven) packets of cigarettes. She was very strange and had eyes that showed only a faint grip on sanity/reality/both.

Having waited 15 minutes for her to fuck off, I bought my stuff and headed down to my car. Amusingly she was still loading everything into her enormous and ancient four wheel drive. I also noticed she was talking about having 'treats for her baby girl' which initially concerned me as I believed she had left her child in the car whilst purchasing half of Foodtown Quay Street. I noted with some dismay there wasn't actually anyone else in the car. I raised her from 'unusual recluse' to 'batshit crazy'.


With a touch of urgency, I drove home.

Old incisions...refusing to stay.

Things, can only get...better! *grooves*

Well, touch wood, things seem to be going up and up.
The rift that had opened between my family and I is healing to some extent. Certain things may never be the same but they're things I'm happy to lose.

My baby has been supportive and kind to an extent I've never experienced or even dreamt of before. It's an amazing feeling. I think we're still working on figuring each other out to the point where we can deal with stuff properly, but that's the awesome thing. We're actually working it out, rather than not trying at all:) Not trying is a mistake I've made before, I'm not gonna let myself do it again.

Speaking of mistakes..

It seems that most people will never learn from advice - they'll only learn from mistakes they make themselves. A true friend is the one who helps them back up once they've made it. But what do you do if they continue to make the same mistake and never learn? And the mistakes they are making will potentially damage your friendship?

It's a situtation I hate. I've been there before as the person making this particular mistake, but I think I've learnt from it. Maybe we should simply sit back and take whatever bad times we can and be as caring and forgiving as we can. I expect there comes a time when one can no longer put up with it and should walk away, but where do you draw that line?

Hrm why are my blog posts always so disjointed and poorly worded?!:( I'd never forgive this in my writing. (ps review me and I'll give you teh eternal love of my heart)

The 'Dream Guitar Wall' continues to change and evolve along with my knowledge, skill, experience and taste...

Gibson Les Paul (I dunno which variety yet)
Gibson SG Special
Epiphone Goth Les Paul (yeah another les paul I know, but I can afford this one ;P)
Gibson Tom DeLonge Custom
Gibson Dove Acoustic
Rickenbacker 381v69 (yes, the picture is the 12 string version but it was chosen for the colour:)
Epiphone The Dot (archtop pwn)
Squire Stratocaster - Obey (Got it, one down :)

On that note, I've finally started guitar lessons. My teacher seems cool (check out the mp3s, they pwn!) and it was nice to hear that I'm competent enough with the basics that we don't have to spend ages pouring over E chords and whatnot :)

I'm a bit bored - I'm kinda procrastinating over cleaning my room.

Brighten My Life Like a Polystyrene Hat.

Well, I have a new flat. I'm not sure how long I'll be there as Verin seems keen to get a place together with his new girlfriend, but we'll see how it goes.

Apparently my flat warming is tonight.

Life has been funny recently. I'm still my same old meloncholic self but at the same time I'm very happy with everything as contradictory as it sounds. The person I have to thank for this feeling knows who she is and I hope she knows how much I appreciate it.

I've decided I want a Playstation 2. Outdated (and it's a console!), I know. But I really need to have a play with Tekken 5 (omg Nan Quan character!) and Singstar and Buzz! are always great for those drunken nights. Plus they're cheaper than dirt these days.

Guitar is progressingly slowly. My pinkie is still being a grumpy, moaning fuck but it's slowly getting better which is making a big difference. I think my accoustic is slowly getting fucked, it's sounding tinnier than it used to. The strings are still very new but and I can't see any body damage or warping so I'm not entirely sure what's up. Oh well, it should do the job until I'm rich and famous enough to get that Dove :)

Getting better at fretting the Stratocaster more cleanly and learning more and more about having the amp set to the proper channels and shit for the best sound. Two new guitars added to the Must-Have-Wall in the last few weeks...

Epiphone Les Paul Goth.
Gibson SG.

Join the others:

Gibson Dove.
Gibson Les Paul.
Squire Stratocaster Dissent
Rickenbacker

Licking this Postage Stamp Again...

*slurp slurp*

What a curious, weird few months.
I always tend to give up on these things, but what the hell, let's try again shall we?


The English Girl and I have gone our seperate ways. This was my choosing. She didn't deal well.
More dramas.
More people involved.
You think stability has arrived and then once again, the Universe spins a bit further and a part of something else comes crashing down. Sometimes it's part of a whole you were already having difficulty holding together, but worse is when it's part of something you thought was doing-just-fine-thank-you.
And you end up with bruised bones and massive pile of resentment to someone you love. But you have a hint of smirking-pleasure because you didn't start it, but you came out on top.
oh well.
I'm in this weird daze at the moment, trying to figure out where to live and what direction to take my life in. That and i'm really hungry.
Brena has finally gotten off the ground again. It's going well.
My fingers are aching which is delaying my electric guitar goodness but I can wait!



Oh. And I'm apparently 21 now.
Jaysus.

And that, Ladies and Gentleman, was 2004.

How times have changed, my dear friends! 2005 was, in all senses of the word, shit.

• Work: I decided I would rather die than deal with a year in that office, so I resigned and went back to University.
• Love: I suffered a catastrophic relationship failure involving infidelity, lies, betrayal, hate and depression. Makes some of these old comments oh so more poignant!
  
• Life: I moved out of home, back again, out again, into a new flat, and then into another new flat. I've ended up working for New Zealand's third largest Telecommunications company. Hey you. Stop throwing your money away!

Interesting, no? Well the plot always thickens. 2006 arrived and I'm taking a break from uni to work. I'm still deciding if this was a good idea or not. I have moved numerous times. I am madly in love with a beautiful, crazy, gorgeous, English girl. I live with her. We've gotten engaged. I spent a month in Europe. My depression has come and gone and come and gone. I can pick up the guitar and play entire songs now.

I can sing to some of them.

My my, times certainly are a-changing....

The End of the Beginning

OK, so I've been busy :P

Working more or less full-time at the moment, which is hard in the fact that it devours most of my time to read/write/game/socialise, but great in that I'm earning more money that I ever have before.

It's also bad in that I'm drinking more coffee than is probably good for me.

The work is kind of mind-numbing at times, but those around me at the office are pretty funny people, so it's not too dry.

What've I been up to? Not much beyond work. Spent some time with Erika (great girl), spent some time playing World of Warcraft (great game) and some time sleeping (great rest).

I have to go shopping with my new found wealth this weekend. Need a bit of clothing for the office, a mug (you know you're settling in when you have your own cup at the office!) and some christmas presents ^^

Yay, Green Day are coming to NZ in March! Tickets on sale tmo! Should be a fucking great show...I was blown away by how good American Idiot was, and if they play their old hits on top of that, it should be bloody good. Fingers crossed they play Good Riddance.

The Mars Volta - finally got ahold of the rest of their CD. Fuck Yeah. Bloody awesome. Really love the mellow 'Televators', different and great.

I can't think of anything to write.

More when I can.

Apathy builds..

Five days without an update, oopsy. Quite awhile, and yet I don't have a great deal to say.

Had Friday off work, which was nice and unexpected. Checked out Matt's exhibition and had lunch with Erika. Was really really impressed with the final product on display at Matt's thing. Although in a way it's underwhelming to those who saw his garage and all the effort he put in over the weeks - so much hardwork which will probably go unnoticed by the majority just to deliver a high class final product. Kinda gives you a better appreciation for the movie/book/etc-making process.

Speaking of movies, I saw House of Flying Daggers on Friday night. Colour me un-impressed. It felt like it had tried sooo hard to capitalise on the feeling of CT and Hero with their artistic shots, action and misc en scene etc, but that's seems to be the limit of their achievement. It was a beautiful movie, but lord did I find it boring. I'm sorry, but sickly pathetic love stories with poorly developed, stereotypical characters are not cool. Nor was the pathetic over-use of just plain shit CGI. Even the wushu was lacking in....flare? I don't know, I just never got that feeling of "wow!" that Hero gave me, despite the action scequences being quite impressive. But yeah, it was beautiful at least! And oops, yes, I'm guilty of being obnoxious and commenting throughout the movie, along with the rest of them. But in my opinion, it was a movie that called for it. Anyone who disagreed had only to say "Just shut up guys" or even something polite and I know at least half of us would have done just that once we knew someone was enjoying it. You can't have such expectations in a movie theatre, sure, but when you know all of the 4 people you're sitting with at someone's home as well as I did, you think they'd speak up. I don't think we were acting immaturely, however. Stupidly? Yeah, undoubtedly. But I think it balanced out with the immature response with those who weren't happy - sulking in silence and then storming out ignoring various offers and people talking to you is far worse. Especially when you make a point of criticising someone else for doing the same thing a day earlier. So I think everyone fucked up a bit. Still, it's in the past, no point in being stupid over it, as I don't think any of us will be. None of us are that bad at least :)

Bridget Jones' Diary 2: Not as funny as the first, but it had it's moments. I laughed quite a bit. Probably better if you're 35+ and/or female.

Saturday was a nice, cruisey relaxing day. Spent it in the hot hot sun out by the pool sunbathing and swimming. Forgot to put sun tan lotion on and got a bit burnt on my legs and chest, but I guess the positive side is that rest of my pasty white body will get a bit closer to the crazy ass brown my arms and face are at the moment. (Brown for me, at least)

Saturday evening went to Matt's BBQ. Had a pretty nice time. Nice to catch up with Scott and Kirsty again, found out we're going to be losing them to Tazmania at the end of the year which is a shame. Also finally met some of my older gong-fu brothers, including Scott's twin (hehe) brother, which was cool. Great food too!

Sunday was a bit rough. Had to get up early to go to training which was ok after the initial shock to the system. Finally not screwing up the stepping I was shown (part of the 24 Step Yang style tai ji). Had to walk backwards across my room about ten times so I could see my feet in the mirror, but it was a big help, and saves you looking down all the time as well - bad muscle memory to pick up. After that, Chan gave us a bloody interesting run down of WuLin's history and his kung fu history, which I'd only known parts of previously. Really, really interesting stuff. My knee feels a bit better too.

Day got shitty from there - went to get petrol on the way home and found I had a whopping five dollars to my name. (Roll on Dec1 and pay day=( ) so I had to txt Mike and tell him I couldn't make rockclimbing which was a real bitch. Had been quite looking forward to catching up with peeps again. Mehage.

Instead I spent my day at home inside as it was raining. Didn't really do anything at all.

Well, I have more to say, but I have to get back to work. Will update tonight after my stupid AA course. Adieu. I'll also spell and grammar check then, so forgive me if parts of this dont make sense :)

Fooling Myself.

'Ullo there!

Went and saw Without a Paddle yesterday. Movies are so much more enjoyable when you go in expecting absolutely nothing. I actually laughed a few times! Had a pretty nice evening all up, though the night was a bit rough. Usually we don't have any problems with the occasional night when we're sharing a single bed, but christ. Last night I woke up about ten times with Erika grabbing me to stop from being pushed off the side. Oops. Bloody restless sleeping.

I even managed to do some training yesterday. Took my lunch hour and went to a park close by whee I was working out on the Te Atatu Pennisula. Drilled Nan Quan 1, the little bit I know of 2, and spent a bit of time going through the tai ji drills I've been shown...although, mental note, in future don't try and do tai ji after going through a very external style, like nan quan :)

My knee has been giving me grief recently, it's stiffening up very quickly when I sit down. I wonder if this has something to do with the hours behind a desk over the last few days. Hopefully it's nothing serious, and the weather is just making it worse than usual. If it seems like it's not getting better I think I'd better ship off back to the physio. BTW Jian - I -think- the visits to the physio in NM are free now - the last few times the secretary didnt charge me, saying there was no cost. Either they got rid of the ACC surcharge somehow, or she screwed up. Although if it's gone, you obviously has to fill out an ACC form to get the benefit.

Half-life 2 came out today. I feel like I've kinda let part of myself down. I just don't really give a shit. Weird how much you can change over the space of a year or so.

I've done a bit of thinking recently, and I'm trying to develop some thoughts on what to do in regards to christmas presents for some people. I'm trying to break my habit of being excessively male and just heading down to the body shop for a gift basket at the last moment this year, and I -think- I'm making a bit of progress.

These public journal things are quite strange. It's weird - I can't see how the details of my day are actually interesting to anyone, yet people keep reading, and I still have a desire to write, even knowing that I'm editing and censoring myself subconciously. Similiarly, why the hell should J's poetry, or her telling me that she's going to buy a PS2 be at all interesting? When expressed through a journal though, it just -is-, like there's some extra value to it when put down in this medium. I think there's something secretly voyueristic about human nature that makes us crave what we believe to be the deep, personal thoughts of another. Because in converation, it wouldn't amount to much more than small talk.

Anyway, that's enough of me probably trying to sound smarter than I really am :)

I'd write more, but what more do I have to write? My days are long, dull and repetitive at the moment. I'm a slave to the wage, as they say. I can't wait to get some time to get out and get physically active again. I have a state of health to get back :)

Happy Times

Sorry to anyone who was hoping to see an entry sooner.

Thanks to the couple of people who have (somewhat randomly) sent me messages - it's always cool to know someone else is reading :)


So hrm, where to start?

Well, I am officially employed, essentially full-time for the next week or two. Unfortunately, the work is shit boring and pretty physically draining (although not particularly taxing - I just have to walk around in the sun all day. I need to find a hat that doesn't make me look like a complete toss). The pay is quite good however, and I'm definately getting a bit more familiar with Waitakere City. Which I guess is a good thing (?).

Songs I Like This Week:
Placebo - Protege Moi.
French version of 'Protect Me', which should be fairly obvious if you're at all a fan. It's essentially identical except that the verses are in French whilst the chorus remains english. I'm not sure what it is that makes it cool, but it's just...yeah, cool. Such an elegent explaination eh?

Ocean Colour Scene - Hundred Mile High City
Had this for quite awhile, but what the hey. OCS have a real strange sound to them, and they're kind of hard to describe, but I guess they're kind of like a modern cross between the Strokes and the Beatles. Or something like that. But yeah, it's a great song.

UB40 - Pretty much anything.
God bless 80's (and hell, 90's) white-boy reggae. Yeah bo.

----

Nostalgic thoughts: I was thinking about the memories and times I'm nostalgic about after reading J's last entry - I realised I don't really have all that many...

- Nastasi Island (Formerly ,Club): Awesome, awesome time. I can't remember exactly when this was, but I think I would have been about 10 or so years old. Spent about a week at this island resort in Fiji, and spent the entire time hanging out with three girls, two of whom I knew from back home in Suva, and one of whom I had a crush on. I don't really remember what we got up to, just that I had a really good time. Sitting in the boat as we sailed off home with that heavy sick feeling of sadness and longing, tinged with happiness from what you've experienced.

- Form 1, Parnell Intermediate. Anna and Georgia and Guy. These people all had a pretty big impact on me in one way or another (some more so than others) but the times I had with them were pretty fucking great before things got crazy. Rollerblading down Parnell Road. I remember once I tried to be cool and grab a parking meter and spin around it to a stop, but my upper body stopped whilst my legs just roared on, so I ended up on my arse, hard. Oops. Anytime I hear anything Aqua I think of these times.

God I miss Intermediate. Life was so simple and fun back then, although it probably didn't really seem so at the time.

I wish I could find someone who taught Choy Lee Fut, or Pak Mei or Fong Ngan in NZ..

More later.

Flashback Humour

I started writing out a really cool document that was kind of like my own version of The Republic, but it needs a lot of work and thought (and probably more intelligence, but oh well) before I put any of it here. Just so ya know eh?

Grats to everyone who has finished, or very nearly finished their exams - Jian, Jen, Jo and those who don't read Hi5. Ekka - good lucky with yours sweetheart, and remember not to sweat the little things.

"Novocaine is a local anesthetic often referred to as procaine. It is used on a wide variety of nerve blocks. It is most commonly used by dentists, when they are pulling out teeth. And it is also used in surgeries so that the patient will not feel any pain while being operated on. "

"Drain the pressure from the swelling! The temptation is overhwelming..

Tell me that I won't fell a thing. So give me novocaine!"

Ohhh, so that's what he's on about.

http://www.tommycarruthers.com/video.htm
This guy has the quickest hands I've ever fucken seen. (Note: martial arts link. BE WARNED.)

Something that pisses me right off:
When people judge someone based on some totally pointless taste or characteristic. The music someone likes does not, generally, define them as a person. So don't goddamn assume it does. The high school a person went to is bound to have -some- sort of effect on their character, absolutely. But the whole 'OMG HE'S A ST PAULS BOY??!!! WOULD SOOOO NOT DATE ONE OF THEM OMGOMGOMGHAHHATISPYONVODKACRUISERS:D:D:D' thing is quite pathetic. Please stop it. Now.

Who else likes "gay" music and is going to Maroon 5? All my friends are too masculine to like them :( SOMEONE TAKE ME :( I AM TOO MASCULINE TO GO ALONE :(
The BDO line up is quite unimpressive IMO. I'm gutted - I want to go, it's just that they've failed (as of yet anyway) to make it worth my $120. I like Powderfinger, the Streets, The Bleeders, Steriogram, but eh. I dunno.


Edit: Just ignore this really, I just wanted it somewhere accessible from the public to show a few people. It's kinda icky so yeah.

My Big Day
posted: 23-04-2004 09:46:43
6:15 - Wake
6:55 - Arrive at Ascot Private Hospital (oooh, private)
7:20 - Sign copious amounts of paperwork, change into button-up gown and paper undies
7:25 - Shaving of knee and groin. ~_~
8:15 - Fun begins!

Had a drip inserted first up and was given a shot of anti-biotics. Next they use a little device which generates a tiny electric current to locate the main nerve which supplies feeling to the right leg (it's up near the groin) which he jammed a needle into once he'd found it. This was kinda amusing as it makes your leg jump off the table five or six times. Then they numb that. Next was an injection of local anesthetic into my lower back, to prepare for the spinal injection, which numbed me from the belly button down. This was kinda fustrating as it took him five minutes to get my spinal cord and I had to sit uncomfortably hunched over whilst he poked me with a needle. My legs ached and then faded away into feeling nothing, at which stage they doped me up with sedative and the surgery begun. 15 minutes spent harvest the ligament from the hamstring to serve as the graft for the knee. Then the actual proceedure begun which I was 'watching' (I wasn't exactly 100% there) on telly. All key hole surgery, they removed a bit of broken cartiledge from between the knee joint and smoothed my damaged minuscus as well as grafting the new ligament. Took 57 minutes all up. Wheeled off to recovery where the sedatives wore off after about an hour and I felt kinda coherent again. Cocktail of drugs begins - anti-nausea pills, pain killers, anti-biotics, oh my! Come about 11am, I can kinda twiddle my toes. Come 1ish and I could move my legs again, so I got to have some sandwhiches and water (first food and drink since midnight the night before). Had the drains removed at about 2pm, although both were flushed with a fair bit of morphine first (kinda surreal feeling huge amounts of liquid being squirited into your joint and sloshing around). My lovely nursed Juf babied me more than my mother would and called me sweety-pea. Awww Impressed everyone by not passing out or feeling queasy during wound care. Go me! Spent another heap of time trying to sleep and reading. 3:30ish, annoying fellow patient arrives from same proceedure but finds it necessary to whine about how bad it feels and txt with key strokes turned on for a good solid fourty minutes. Migrane begins at about this stage and eventually subsides when she stops whining. :@

Come 4pm the physio arrives - I've regained feeling and movement of my legs, but my right knee is still numb (no skin sensation and I cant lift my leg whilst keeping it straight). We give it another thirty, still nothing, so she says screw it and gives me a brace for the rest of the evening. At this stage I finally get bladder control back and can go to the bathroom, after being busting since lunch time. Dear god what a relief. Quick hobble around the recovery room and some stairs to get used to crutches, surgeon finally shows up and gives me some inside-my-knee-photos and the removed cartiledge in a wee bottle, and they ship me home with enough pain killers for a small elephant etc.

And then....

Fuck you, hi5. Fuck you for killing the entry I spent two hours writing. Fuck you.


Sigh.

I won't bother to try and recapture what I had in all it's glory, so forgive me whilst I summarise.

- I spent all day pacing out over 3 square klicks of concrete pathing and asphalt. I spent another six hours walking around the rest of the retirement complex, clipboard, calculator and measuring tape in tow. I ache.

- Erika. I wrote you whole paragraphs. I'm sorry that this will likely be briefer.

I don't know what it is that makes waking up beside you so indescribebly comforting and amazing. Your presence alone soothes me into a sleep so deep and relaxing that I cannot explain. When you're not with me, I find myself awake at night - some sort of deep mental alert triggered by the failure of my automatically searching arms to wrap around your soft warmth. Confused and bewildered, I'll wake up simply knowing that something is wrong, something is missing. You.

Thank you for always trying your best to be there for me, and for being as patient as possible. I've tried to give at least as much as you have back in return over the last ten months. I'm sorry for the times I've fallen short.

The love we've shared has been so incredible that, inadvertantly, it taught me how to feel alone. I will never go through what we've been through with another. I have no desire to. You know what I want of our future. Not even Milla would threaten that :)

One day baby, one day. She just came a bit early the first time around.

- I had a big segment written out on Fiji and my return there about a year ago. It wasn't much more than my melancholic ramblings about what I found there but I'll still probably bother to write it out again at some stage.

- For those who care, I'm planning to whack something up on www.fictionpress.com at some stage this weekend, I'll post here when I do. I would really, really, REALLY appreciate anyone who took the time to read it and offer constructive criticism. Pleaes don't shelter me from the latter part of that phrase - it's really the most important :)

- I'm real tired and annoyed now, and cannot be bothered checking over this before I hit submit. I apologise for any glaring flaws or sentences that don't make sense.

- Picure: Modern medicine did it's best, now it's up to me.

About a day later...

Mild sunburn is a pain in the ass (or face and neck).

OK I have absolutely no fucking idea what to write here at the moment (my thoughts become a lot less coherent and serious at about 10pm - all my great stuff comes out after then), so I figured I'd just ramble about various ideas I have in regards to my Literary Masterpiece. (TM)

- Brena:
Tempted to finish this. Not quite sure where I want to go with it though, and the first bunch of chapters were written a looong time ago - I see errors all over the place. Also slightly put off by the fact that FictionPress' uploading service likes to destroy my formatting and make it look like I have the grammatical skills of a four year old.
http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1045502

- Matrix Fanfic 'Blind Faith':
I was always kinda proud of the idea behind this. The problem I ran into was more of a technical sort - I wasn't quite sure how to handle fight scenes and that sort of crap, which are kind of required in a matrix fan fic. And because of my dawdling, Revolutions came out, and the bastards blatantly stole my angle with the 'seeing-whilst-blind' that I'd intended to work through to with Jocasta. Utter bastards. Also, I'm not so sure about the whole fanfiction thing anymore. George Martin, a favourite author of mine, made a rather interesting point on it a few years back which struck a bit of a chord with me. He dislikes it, because in his opinion it kills your ability to be creative with the history/world/background/whatever.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1351746/1/

Random Idea One:
Devout Irish Catholic Boxer. Not really sure where this came from, probably Brad Pitt's character in Snatch. I just envisage this very devout irish catholic boxer in the midst of the clashes in Northern Island of the last few decades - not sure exactly when yet. Weird picture of him having an enormous tattoo of the Virgin Mary on his chest or something equally...uh...Catholic?

Random Idea Two:
I'm not sure how to put it into words atm, so I won't bother trying.

----------

Cool Guitar Solos - Honourable Mention: Incubus - Priceless ('A Crow Left of the Murder')
Ok this is fucking cool. I'm pretty sure it's Mike Einziger on the guitar in this, but I'm not enough of a fan to be 100% sure. Listened to this album again last night after my mention of Megalomaniac and forgot how cool this little segment is. It's not super complex or technical but it just sounds so damn cool. I can't really elaborate. PS: Mike - you have the worst haircuts ever dude. Sorry.

Or...oh you get the idea.

Yeah ok, I'm sad for writing three entries in one day. Leave me alone, I'm bored.

The whole racial quota and assistance thing: Yeah, I have a problem with it. Not with the idea behind the system, but the way it's implemented. Let me elaborate!

It's no secret that Maori and PIs are definately disadvantaged in our society. Yeah, you can claim they have all the same opportunities and what not, but at the end of the day, you have to acknowledge the whole cycle of poverty thing. Those born into less than ideal circumstances are not likely to easily escape them. Education is one (if not -the-) most predominant area in which they are likely to feel a sort of inequality IMO...simply because the quality of the education recieved in lower decile schools (despite higher funding) just isn't up to par with that you'd find at the likes of Grammar or Dio. In addition to this, you have to factor in the social mentality. To illustrate, forgive me the use of blatant stereotypes: ask someone from Otara what they want to do with their lives as opposed to someone from nearer the inner-city. Mr South Aucklander is probably a lot less certain about his future, his education and his career.

So it's in this regard that I think the idea behind the system is sound. All they're trying to do is close that gap and 'break the cycle', if you will.

The problem with it? Simple - it's a terrible way to go about it. And frankly, it doesn't do shit to solve the problem.

Firstly, there's no proper way to make sure those getting the help are the ones that need it. I'm 1/8th Maori. I've never really experienced any kind of economic hardship, or been truly deprived of anything a teenager needs (read: wants). And yet, under the current legislation/system, I was legally entitled to enroll as a Maori student, apply for Maori/PI scholarships, and get the extra tuition Jian mentioned.

Blatant exploiters of the system are a Bad Thing. I didn't enroll as a Maori student, but I know those that have, who really dont have anything to do with Maoridom except a relative three generations ago. This is not good.

Secondly, it lowers the quality of graduates whom are coming out of our tertiary institutions. If Mr Maori gets into Law Part 1 with a 220 Bursary over Mr Pakeha with a 320 bursary because they ran out of normal entry spots, then that too is a Bad Thing!

OK, but if we abolish the system, then doesn't that mean that the majority of graduates are going to be Pakeha or Asian? Well, duh, of course. And that's where the problem lies. In my opinion, if you're to abolish the system, you need to tackle the problem at it's core - the grass roots of education and social indoctrination. That's a task for the Government. They need to sort out lower decile education PROPERLY - not just throw money at schools in South Auckland. If kids are leaving Otara High School with an average bursary of 300 rather than 200 (I have NFI how NCEA works, so forgive my useage of the old system) then a racial quota entry system will be a mute point - everyone applying will have a roughly equal education.

Wow! Rambling! Sorry if that's kinda disjointed and random - I'm tired.