The Mad Hatter's Tea Party

'Oh!' said the Hatter. 'It seems we have a visitor!'

And indeed, a visitor was to be had.

Her pig tails were blond and her skirt pleated and blue. To the Hatter she said,
"Well, how do you do?"

His laugh was raucous and loud with no hint of sanity to be found.

"Please my dear, do take a seat."

And a seat was taken.

Arrayed before her was a sumptuous but insane feast. Seated beside her was many a foul beast.

'"Before we begin, shall I make some introductions?" said the Hatter.

So introductions were made.

The sly, clever Orangutan. His hat was a pink fez. Getting his own way was he liked the best.
The boisterous Gorilla, with his hands black and blue because eating blackberries was his favourite to-do.
The quiet wee Chimp, his face drenched in sadness. Clearly he'd had enough of this continual madness!
The witty and fey Ape, his face a superior scowl. Look at the people he must tolerate now!

"Goodness!" said Alice. "This is quite the crowd! However will there be enough food to go around?"

Again the Hatter spoke, his mind now clearly unhinged.

"Because, my dear Alice! The food is never-ending!"

At these detached ramblings, Alice cringed.

"But I need your help, so enough of this yakking and idle chit chat. "

So with a nod of his head dishes were brought forward to the man in the Hat.

And so the main course was served. And the Hatter's laughter swelled until the giant hall felt crowded and Alice thought she might drown.

"Alice." said the Hatter.
"Hatter?" said Alice.
"I need your help." said the Hatter.
"With what?" asked Alice.
"Why, with selecting my main, Alice. For I am ever so indecisive. I'm afraid it's a symptom." said the Hatter.
"A symptom of what?" asked Alice.
"Why, of my indecision!" replied the Hatter.

Alice did not care for this line of reasoning. She returned, with haste, to the point.

"What dishes do you have to choose from?" asked Alice.
"Oh, a multitude. Let me show you." replied the Hatter.

With a flourish, he lifted the lid on the first dish. Within it sat a mole. The mole blinked in the candle light, startled. It waited a moment and then fell asleep on it's bed of lettuce.
The second dish contained a hedgehog. It awoke with a snort and made a strange hissing noise. It spat at the mole.
The third dish contained a tiny octopus, it's skin shifting colours between a cool grey and blood red. It surveyed it's company with deep black eyes.

Alice hesitated.

"Mr Hatter..." she began.
"Yes, my dear?" asked the Hatter.
"I do not think your main courses wish to be eaten." she replied.
"Oh, dear Alice! Of course they do not! This is the nature of life!" he spat back.
"I see." Stammered Alice.

As they conversed, the aperitifs ran for their lives.

The hedgehog rolled down the table, the monkeys lunging and pushing. The Orangutan sighed and snatched it easily from the other smaller monkeys. The hedgehog seemed pleased, thinking it was saved from this ravenous bunch. It's final look was one of surprised irony as the big orange beast gobbled it down.

Amongst this commotion, the octopus escaped. It slithered between the legs of the monkeys who were too surprised to catch it.

But they enjoyed the cheap thrill!

The mole remained dozing on his lettuce. Alice and the Hatter stared at it intently, ignoring the furious and loud food fight that had erupted at the table.

"I do not think, Mr Hatter, that it would be fair to eat this mole." said Alice.
"I suppose you are right," sighed the Hatter. "He seems very content with not being eaten."
"Precisely!" agreed Alice.
"And Mole disagrees with me anyway. And when your food disagrees with you, it always wins. And that's not a happy ending." complained the Hatter. "Or rather, my end will not be happy. But then what shall I eat?"

Alice sighed and glanced at the monkey fight.
"Some of that lot could do with being eaten." Alice sighed.
"I could not eat my monkeys! Dear Alice, be serious. I care for them far too much. As terrible as they as polite dinner guests." explained the Hatter.

He paused a moment and stared at the escalating simian battle.

"I think, my dear Alice...that I must find some new monkeys." said the Hatter.
"Mr Hatter, I don't mean to seem rude.." started Alice.
"Oh please my girl, be honest."
"Well, Mr Hatter, I think you'll find that all monkeys are lacking in table manners."

The Hatter turned to look at Alice, his gaze dark and discontent.


"Perhaps, Alice. Perhaps you are right."